It was never your job to make her happy or to never upset her. That’s not a child’s job. It’s a parents job to manage the natural frustrations that come with the choice of having a child and raising an emotionally needy and developing human, which is what a child is.

It is the parent’s job to serve the child’s developmental needs, not the other way around. And in adulthood, it is the parent’s job to celebrate the child’s autonomy and relate to them as an adult free of the obligation of taking care of the parent’s emotional needs and expectations.

Even in her death she expected something of you, versus giving to you. This is unacceptable. The spiritual assignment of the parent is to give life, not take it. Please don’t give her any part of your life, even after her death.